Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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