im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Randomize
