i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
