Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
