THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
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