I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
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