history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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