she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Randomize
