I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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