First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
