Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
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Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
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