You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Randomize
