My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
i love accidental penises.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
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she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
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In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
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