Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Randomize
