I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
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