I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
