Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
