He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
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Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
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I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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