your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
