Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
