I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
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Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
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i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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