Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
