Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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