You smell like stripper and shame
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Randomize
