I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
