I'm going to rape someone's good day.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
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