She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
