there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Randomize
