hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
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level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
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How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
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