i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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