i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Randomize
