waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
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