I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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