Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Randomize
