i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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