Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Randomize
