Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
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