One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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