One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
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I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
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I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Randomize