So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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