dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
