sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
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