She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Randomize
