she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
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