yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
