so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Randomize
