Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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