break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
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