Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
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