he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
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