I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
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