i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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