now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
jump out the window naked night went bad
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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