barbara walters just said penis...
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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