We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
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