and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
