im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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