Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
