So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Randomize
