So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
