TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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