Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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