I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Randomize
