Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
