I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
You dont lie about slip and slides
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Randomize
