Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
