Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
so that wasnt chicken after all
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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